Thursday, December 07, 2006

You used to be bi!

That's all she said to me, and I knew instantly what she meant.

I was hanging out with the WWNSMW (aka B-SNAK) last weekend, and at some point in the evening she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and blurted out, "You used to be bi! I read your blog all the time, and it's always 'knitting this' and 'sewing that' and I don't even know what else because I don't understand ANY OF IT! WHERE'S THE STAMPING?!"

Did I ever mention I have a giant collection of rubber stamps? Oh. I think I did, once in passing.

Yes, well, B-SNAK and I have a long-standing relationship with stamping that I think you should know about. So: The Story of B-SNAK and the Stamps. (This will also be the title of the blockbuster sequel to Akeelah and the Bee that I'm gonna write. Betcha! I'm gonna do it next. Right after this.)

Taking it back to 1998 {oodly oodly oodly oodly}:

She's having a little get-together, she says. Do I want to come? I won't have to buy anything, but it could be fun if I like rubber stamping. I think to myself, "I do like rubber stamping! I have a stamp of some old-timey shoes, and a bowler hat, and a pocket watch. I could take those with me! And I won't have to buy anything!"

I won't have to buy anything, the first one's free, and trail mix is good for me.

These are ways of thinking that are so, so dangerous. Case in point (and I think this is important): the Trader Joe's Salty, Sweet & Nutty Trek Mix. "It's healthy! It's a Trek Mix! It's got nuts!" Sure. Nutty! Ok. What they mean by "Nutty" is "Peanut Brittle". The nuts are, in some good proportion, housed in rocks and rocks of sugary brittle. (It should tell you something when its form is rock. Nothing good ever comes in the form of rock, in my humble opinion. Not music, not cocaine, not an oversized diamond that makes everyone at least a little uncomfortable -- if not downright small -- when near it.)

Point is: I shoulda known.

I'll never forget the moment that that Stampin' Up demonstrator stamped a teddy bear onto some cardstock, stuck it onto another piece of cardstock, folded it up, and... "OOOOOH!" We were floored that she'd made a greeting card - just like that! "We're gonna save hundreds and hundreds of dollars never having to buy a birthday card again!" "This is the greatest thing we've ever seen!" "How can I do this too?!" Suckers, all.

Present day: Between me, B-SNAK, and another couple of very good friends with very serious problems, we have thousands of stamps. Thousands. That would be bad enough. But, what's worse are the Inks. Papers. Stickers. Postage stamps. Tags. Collage sheets. Brads. Scissors. Eyelets. Markers. Pencils. Watercolor pencils. Adhesives. Ribbons. Rub-ons. Sponges. I could go on. I really could.

I used to be bi. She's right. Now? I'm a polygamous crafter. Straight up. My stamping may've taken a back seat to knitting and quilting, but it'll be making a comeback here pretty soon. You'll see.

I did have to buy some stuff, some of it was free, and for the most part it's all been quite good for me. Being a polygamous crafter may stretch you thin. But that mutherfuckin' Trek Mix? Now, that shit'll kill you.

7 comments:

Laura said...

earlier in the year, i made an unsuccessful attempt to enter the world of paper crafting. i bought lots of paper, glue, fancy cutting tools, yadda yadda yadda. and then i realized that it would be very hard to use these fun items while my children were awake and around. there's the set-up time, the fact that for my kids glue and scissors and fancy paper amounts to an attractive nuisance ... anyway, i never really got off the ground with that. i am hoping you will inspire me. bring on the stamping posts! :)

Nano said...

I haven't tried stamping yet. Like I need another hobby. However, I did hear about Altered Books. So... I researched then set out and bought all of the art supplies needed. Looked through all of my books and picked out and prepared the books I planned to "alter", starting with small, thin books of course. Went to the library on Book Sale day and bought a few more. I'm a glutton for craft/ art supplies. Well, I've yet to complete one altered book. But it's all waiting for my "spare time" and the proper mood. One of these days....

Nano said...

By the way, I forgot to mention my appreciation for your kind words about my Jed. Thanks.

Nora said...

I just want a knitting stamp - y'know, a little ball of yarn and a couple of needles. That's all! Do u think I can find it anywhere? Nope.

Kirsten said...

Oh, I know the feeling. I've never ventured into the stamping thing, but you should see my boxes and bags of beads! And then there are the tools, those cute little needle nose pliers, a few watch faces, some clasps. Yup, I could start a jewelry business! But now it's all about the yarn. My only fear is that something else comes along to distract me from my current knitting obsession. I'm running out of space to keep all of this craftiness!

Matthew F. said...

Stamping will free your soul.

alib said...

Dear Dr B.

Please help. I have been struggling with my “identity” and I am unsure what to do. For quite a few months now I have been getting urges to play for the other team. Lately it has been getting harder and harder to resist these temptations. My girlfriends tell me all the time how much fun they are having, that ‘everyone is doing it’, and they are really putting the pressure on me to ‘give it a try’.

The dilemma is that while I do have a wandering eye, I really like experimenting and playing the field.... Paper-crafting allows all of my various appetites to be indulged: I get to play with beads, watch parts, paints and watercolors, ink pens, clay, candle-wax, dried flowers, old game pieces and playing cards, my postage stamp collection, old books, metal, leather, acetate, wrapping paper, photos, ephemera, colored paper, rubber stamps, buttons, ribbons, YARN, and FABRIC … is that so wrong??

Do you think there is any chance that if I go over to the other side I may be fully converted? (You know the homo-knitter agenda is pretty powerful!) If so, what will I do with my polymorphous proclivities?

Please help soon. I desperately need to maintain my sanity, my bank account, and my storage space.

Sincerely,
alib