It begins

I have a question for you. It's kind of like a story problem.

Let's say you own a store. For the sake of this question, let's say it's a yarn store. You sell yarn.

You with me? Great.

Ok, so let's say that you decide that your yarn store will be open Monday through Saturday. You need to rest one day a week, so that day will be Sunday. You further decide you'll be open from 12-6pm. You want to be able to sleep in and have some time to relax in the evenings. Very reasonable. Monday through Saturday, 12-6. These will be your business hours.

So, here's the question: If a person goes to your store on a Friday at 12:30pm planning to buy yarn, money in hand, soaked from the torrential downpour that is this week's weather in Los Angeles, what are the chances that that person will be able to enter your store and buy the yarn that you are selling?

Think about it. Show your work. Carry the 2... Don't get cocky.

The answer is:

0. Zero percent chance. Why? Because. Just because.

Here's the dialogue you might have supplied with your answer:

Me: Yeah, hi, I know you're not responsible for them or anything, but do you know if the store next door is planning on being open today? It says on the door that she's open Monday through Saturday, from 12 to 6, and it's 12:30 now.
Hip Guy at the store next door to the yarn store: Oh, yeah. They should be open. Try knocking.
Me: I did actually.
Hip Guy: Hm. Yeah. Sometimes they do that.
Me: Do that?
HG: Don't open even though there's someone there.
Me: ???
HG: There's someone there. Sometimes they just don't open. You could try knocking on the metal door around back.
Me: Really?
HG: Yeah.
Me: Ok, I'll try that. Thank you. I appreciate it. So sorry to bother you.
HG: No, no. People come in here all the time asking me that same question.
Me: ???!!!
HG: I guess she's just on her own schedule over there.

You did not have to include the fact that no one answered the back door in your answer.

Here is a follow-up question: You, with the yarn store over there. What are you, made of money?
Further: What, my money's no good with you?
And finally: Come ON, people. Really?!

Items! Part One.

I made a scarf while I was on vacation.

There. I said it.

Look. It was a whole thing. My SIL had something to do with it. The Brooklyn General Store and Purl also had things to do with it. But you know what? Let's not get caught up in assigning blame. It's not ladylike and just gets us nowhere. Instead, let's gaze upon the wonder that is the scarf.

Doesn't that stitch look good?

It is purty.

Pattern: My So Called Scarf. (That link is to the free pattern.)
Yarn: Manos del Uruguay. Handcrafted Kettle Dyed Pure Wool. Color 118.
Needles: Lantern Moon. US size 15.
Mods: I used honkin' big needles. The pattern calls for 11s, I think. But the 15s were all I had with me, and I wanted to make the scarf while I was still with my SIL to make sure she'd really like it. Blah, blah, blah. She and I both agree we like how it looks. And I like that it knit up real fast.

There are worse things than buying two skeins of new yarn and knitting a brand new scarf. Really. So much worse. Maybe I'll convince my brother to let me tell you the Crap or Vomit story. It's a good one. And it will take some of the heat off of me and and my item-y ways.

Fingers crossed.

I am glad to be back!

Ooo ooo, Kushu Kushu.

My Habu kit finally arrived. I'd ordered it months ago from a trunk show at a lovely yarn shop across town.

These strings will turn into the Kushu Kushu scarf, if all goes according to plan.

A-20-16 lavender color (it's a warmer, dustier purple than it appears here). Silk. Well, silk with a stainless steel core. This will be the ends of the scarf.

A177-29 coffee color. Super fine merino wool. This, together with the lavender, will be the middle section of the scarf.

There are other things at the top of the to-be-made queue, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm also a little nervous about knitting with steel. So it remains to be seen when exactly this will get going.

In the meantime, I like the idea of this scarf having its own cheer - "Ooo! Ooo! Kushu Kushu! Ooo ooo! Kushu Kushu!" Who's with me on that?

Longer, wider, faster

Last time you checked around a week ago, I'd started a second Chevron Scarf. Here's what I had then:

Considering my first one took 6 months, I'm impressed at how quickly (relatively speaking) this one is going. This is what I have now:

Long, right?

The colors are much more beautiful than these photos show. You'll see.

This one also seems a little wider than my first, but that's not important. So let's just move on.

Hey! Thank you so much for your input on what to make with the Chinese yarn! Your ideas were all so good and helpful! What would I do without you?! Really.

I like the idea of making something for my sweet friend, as many of you suggested. If I went with socks, I'd definitely have to double the yarn or add some other kind of thread to it, because it seems like they'd wear through in about three seconds otherwise.

But. If I were to go in a shawl/wrap direction (not for my sweet friend), I love the Hanami shawl that Kristy suggested. There's also a little wrap in Weekend Knitting. (Can I sub this Chinese yarn for mohair, do you think, or no?) I'm a little worried that I may have to give in and get that Folk Shawls book you're all going on about. Damn it! Don't you know I'm drowning in books over here? Sheesh.

Thank goodness Seth kindly reminded me that books are free at my local li-berry. (He also had the brilliant idea of incorporating Chinese knitting designs into the project. He is all good ideas, that Seth.)

Note to self: When at said library, look for Knitting For Peace. It has the pattern for the Swirl Hat that Kim went and made in her obvious attempt to destroy me, rather, to help me with ideas for my holiday knitting.

Oh, what do you know, my new issue of Interweave Knits just arrived. Gotta go!

Yangrongxinshengwuzhenzhirong: The Challenge

For a lot of this past year, a sweet friend of mine was out of town for work.

That seems like a perfectly benign sentence, right? You probably didn't make much of it, I'd guess. Well, let me translate it for you and see if you feel differently:

A lot of this past year = 7 months straight
Out of town = in China
Sweet friend = guy who has 12 people over for a birthday dinner, insists that no one bring him gifts, and instead gives every guest a beautifully gift-wrapped present chosen specifically for them. From China.

Small but important aside: Amazing how a simple sentence about a friend and his work can be so rich with meaning. It's stunning to think about how often people say things where there's a whole story quietly waiting to be known, and we just keep on truckin' past it because we're busy, or we think we know what they mean, or we don't even notice that there might be more to it.

But gifts! There were gifts! Let's talk about the gifts! Yes, yes. Gifts!

In the presentation of each of the gifts, my friend provided a thoughtful comment about why the items were selected. Lovely jewelry for some, tea and books for others. Some people were given painted items along with a little verbal warning about possible lead content. Some were given t-shirts and were cautioned that there would be certain shrinkage and lack of steadfastness of the dye. ("It is China," he reminded us.) My gift came not with a warning, but with a challenge.

"I don't know anything about knitting," he said, "but I'm imagining this could be difficult. So, I challenge you to make something out of this."

Super soft.

Lace or fingering weight.

Yarn like cashmere. Only we don't actually know what it is -- the only thing I can read on the label is the name of this post. (Well, it doesn't say "The Challenge" on the label. You know what I mean.) My friend said something like, "It's such thin string, I figured it had to be difficult to knit with."

So I will ask you explicitly -- so there's no confusion-- what should I make with these 11 balls of very fine Chinese yarn? We've got a challenge here, people. What say you?!

Hair of the dog

Blue Moon Fiber Arts. Socks That Rock yarn Medium weight. Little Bunny Foo Foo color.


Blue Moon Fiber Arts. Socks That Rock yarn Medium weight. Rose Quartz color.

Um.

What can I tell you? I started another Chevron Scarf. Laugh all you want at my foolishness, but if you'd had these yarns in your stash, you would've done the same thing. I assure you.

P.S. On a more serious note, we are sending all kinds of good thoughts and prayers to the people and animals affected by the fires here in Southern California. My loved ones and I are safe and sound, luckily nowhere near the current danger. We're all just hoping it gets better soon.

I made a green beanie.

It's really grey here today, so no photo. Just know I made a beanie yesterday from this free pattern from this lovely shop. The hat is very, very soft. The yarn was from Suss. And I'll tell you all about it when the sun comes out.

I'd make you a drawing, but you wouldn't want that. Really. Have you seen my "drawings"? Yeah. Ok, then. A photo later on it is!

Stocking up for winter

Oh, it's true. I am currently gathering all the goods I'll need to make it through the long, cold winter here in Los Angeles. The yarn above and the book below are just the beginning of my preparedness kit assembly.

Let me help you out with the funny here: We don't have winter in Los Angeles. Also? I think those yarns together would make a lovely Chevron scarf.

I like living in a fantasy world where seasons change and Chevron scarves get completed. Don't mind me if I just stay here for a bit. I quite like it.

Knowing, needles, and an LYS

So I'm gonna make these socks, right? Right.

Wrong-yarn wrong-needles test? Check.

Run-through of the basic elements of the chart? Check.

Right yarn? Just arrived yesterday. Beautiful hand-dyed.

(As usual, poor quality of photos tells you how beautiful the yarn really is.)

Right needles? Still not in my possession.

Here's where my local yarn store (LYS) comes in.

The story I am about to tell you is from my perspective. Others who were there will tell you a different story, because that's how life is. And that's cool. Everybody's gonna have a different telling, but rest assured, my version will have the most flair.

Also, let it be known that I don't like to call people out. I really don't. But sometimes things are just too egregious to ignore.

Let me start by saying that my LYS is a complex place, made up of complex characters. It is very conveniently located around the corner from my house, so it's got that going for it. However, more often than not, my LYS has That Vibe rocking on full blast. Maybe it's because famous people shop there, maybe it's something else, but those ladies have somehow perfected the art of down-the-nose-vision. As I've said before about this, you're trying to sell yarn, no? You're not weeding the hacks out of the neurosurgery rotation. One day that gravitas is gonna kill a person.

OK. That's too strong. Sometimes they are perfectly cordial to me. Let's just dive in to what happened.

A few days ago, I decided I should just run into the store to buy the needles I needed for these fancy socks so that when the yarn arrived, I'd be ready. So, in the middle of the day I zipped over there. I was in a perfectly good mood, cheerful and friendly. Really. I would tell you if I'd been crabby. I promise you, I was at peace with the world.

There were three women in the store. One works there (the one who literally pushed me over once), one was a Regular who had come to knit for the afternoon. And the third was the Owner, who was sitting in a little knitting area across from the Regular. The latter two were knitting.

Me (to Owner, cheerfully): Hi! I need some needles.
Owner: OK.
Me: Just some double-pointed 1.5 US needles.
Owner (cocks her head to one side and squints a little. I get a little whiff of The Vibe): 1.5 US?
Me: Yep!
Owner: What are you making?
Me: Socks.
Owner and Regular together: OH!
Regular (knitting, not looking up): I've never understood why people make socks. You never see them!
Owner (to the Regular): Oh, there are people who love to make socks. Sockers.
She says "sockers" like someone might say "cancer" or "racists".
My inside voice: I'm standing right here.
My outside voice: I'm making some socks for a friend who asked me to make them for her. It's not that I really l-o-v-e to make socks.
Owner (to me): I've never heard of 1.5 US needles.
Me: Uhm.
Owner: There are 0. And 1. And 2. But no 1.5 US.
Me: Huh. That's what the pattern calls for.
Owner: Well, just because the pattern says it doesn't mean it's right.

At this point, I'm starting to get the sense that this isn't going well.

Employee: Let me show you what we have.
She disappears into the back.

The rest is a bit of a blur, a flurry of very awkward moments.

At one point the Owner tries to engage me with: You've been knitting this summer!
Me: A little, but I've actually been sewing quite a bit.
Owner: Me, too. But it's always with my knitting. What have you been sewing?
Me: I made the Purl Rabbit recently. From The Purl Bee?
Owner: Oh, yeah. She has a nice site. Do you shop from her store online? (very serious) Don't tell me you've bought yarn from her.
Me: I haven't. Cross my heart. I've bought fabric.
The Owner and Regular then get into a conversation about the "Yarn Shopper" and how savvy "they've" gotten, how they'll just look for the best deal online and buy their yarn there instead of in a store.
My inside voice: Again, I am standing right here. In. Your. Store.

The topic returns to needles, and the Employee is now trying to give me some Lantern Moon Ebony needles.
Me: Oh, I've had a bad experience with those. They split.
Owner: You don't know that.
Me: Yeah. I had some that just split and ate my cashmere.
Owner: But these might not.
Me: I've heard from other people that they've had the same experience with that needle. So, I'd rather go with metal. Do you have any metal needles?
Owner: No.
Me: Oh.
Owner: What kind of metal needles would you use?
Me: I haven't used them, but I hear Knit Picks makes good ones.
Owner (fully sponsored by The Vibe): Knit Picks makes needles?
Me: Yeah. They're what the Yarn Harlot uses.
Regular: The Yarn Harlot?
Owner (to the Regular): She's this wildly popular online knitter. I'm telling you, you have to cater to these people, because there are a lot of them.

My inside voice: I. AM. RIGHT. FUCKING. HERE!

Owner (and I swear to God she said this to me with the Vibe-iest Vibe that ever Vibed): For someone who doesn't really make socks, how come you're so picky about your needles?

I tried to make the best of it. I really did. I even bought some needles I didn't really need. The cherry on the sundae? This final exchange as I was leaving:

Owner: You should bring your socks in and come knit with us sometime.
Me (with a smile and a playful tone): I don't know if I will. They are socks.
Owner (not playful. at all.): Oh. Now you've got an attitude!

This was absolutely the craziest display of crazy-making I've seen in a yarn store yet. If they'd been super busy or I'd been acting like a jerk, it would be more understandable. It wouldn't be the best way to treat a customer, but I'd understand. But this? All I can figure is that someone with knowledge they've acquired online has somehow become public enemy number one at this store.

I understand that brick-and-mortar stores are having it rough. I do. I want to support local business as much as humanly possible. But this store is not just having it rough because of The Online. It's saying something when there's a yarn store right around the corner from me, and I'm not in it every day of the week.

Sad.

But here's a question: In the spirit of wanting a peaceful planet, should I take her up on her invitation and go knit with them? Try to better understand the situation?

No, right?

Making knots is fun

We do love to make us some knots. Knitting? Series of knots. Embroidery? In this case, all knots. My stomach? Why yes, thank you for asking, it's in knots too.


I'm so thrilled to have had my Yarngentina post selected for the most recent issue of Yarnival! Cara did an incredible job of assembling a group of amazing writers and artists for this issue, and I am super-excited to be in their company.

The follow-up -- including actual photos of the yarns described and poorly drawn in that post -- can be found here, here, here, and here. It's worth a peek, if nothing else just for the aah-OOO-gah factor. It's pretty high, so you might want to prepare. (The Aah-OOO-gah Factor appears courtesy of that cartoon where one character sees another very attractive character and then his eyes aah-OOO-gah out of the sockets.)

In the meantime, while I un-knot my stomach, I'm continuing on with my version of this pillow. I didn't mark the fabric ahead of time, as some of you wisely suggested I do. Not because I don't love and respect you, but because I still haven't found a marking tool I really like, particularly for a bunch of dots.

It seems to be going OK so far, and I am especially pleased with my thread selections (the colors are really beautiful in real life. You're just gonna have to take my word for it).

However, since it has been going so well up to this point, that means debacles are right around the corner. And, as you should know, I am nothing if not an expert in debacles.

If you're new to my blog, please let me know you've stopped by, won't you? Cheers!

The tallest yarn

News flash: I'm no artist.

As you'll recall, here's the drawing I did -- from memory -- of the giant haul of yarn that my PIC's sister brought back from Argentina.


We all agree that, while this is a stunning image in many, many ways, I shouldn't quit my day job to become an illustrator just yet.

What I might want to do, though, is turn my ability to predict the future into cash money.

Remember as I was leaving, I posted that I was gonna take photos of the yarn? I didn't tell my PIC this. She had no idea I was going to ask her to pose for such a ridiculous thing. However, when I showed up to her house, she was wearing the outfit I had drawn her in (except for the shoes. As I said, she'd never wear grey shoes.)! Check it out in this backlit photo!

I'm also psychic enough to know that many of you hate that picture because you can't see the yarn.

So here. Let's step out onto the patio.


Ta DAH!



Dudes! Check it out! Everything is all smushed down, so it's not seeming as tall as it really is. But, I am here to tell you, it's the height of a six year-old. And it is such. Good. Yarn.

Also? I came through on this intention to take and post these photos. Let's make sure we don't forget that. I'm probably gonna need to cash that in at some point. Since I do have the power to see the future, I can tell you with quite a bit of certainty that I will surely blow it in the follow-through department. You'll remember this then, won't you?

Visiting The Haul

I'm running out the door to go visit my PIC and The Argentinian Haul.

I'll take my camera this time, and maybe - just maybe - I'll be able to capture the magnitude of what I've been talking about here.

Knowing me, though, I'll come back with a bunch of hemming and/or hawing about how this picture doesn't really do it justice, or how I couldn't really get any good pictures because we found ourselves buried under all the yarn, or how I totally forgot to take pictures because we were swept away into a time warp.

The point is this: I have very good intentions (which you know I have in general). Those intentions are currently set to "make sure to take good pictures of all the yarn" and "post those good pictures on the blog". My intentions are pure.

Here's what you can do for me: Keep on breathing. Please don't suspend said breathing while waiting for photos. I care about you too much to see you lose precious oxygen to the brain.

Yarn is weird

You know how when you look at something for a long time, it can start to look really weird?

...like when you spell a word, and you know it's spelled correctly, but all of a sudden it just looks strange?

That's how I'm starting to feel about my yarn.

I'm sure these yarns are just fine. Exactly right. Just as they should be.

And yet, they look kinda funny.


Well. In all fairness, I'm sure the yarn feels the same way about me.

Let "Operation In Sight, In Mind" commence!

I have a theory.

I developed this theory earlier today, after taking some photos of my yarn stash for Ravelry.

(I just got my invite to Ravelry, and it could not have come at a better time, since I was just talking about how if I can't see it, I forget I have it. So, I am very excited about Ravelry. But more on that in another post. Must. Tell you. About. Theory.)

My theory is this: I think there is a relationship between the amount of love I have for a yarn and my ability to take a good picture of it.

While it is certainly not always the case, I think it can be said that the more I love a yarn, the more likely it is that will I take a bad picture of it. The picture is likely to be blurry, badly composed, and just in general unremarkable. Remember those photos of the Argentina haul? Ok then.

So. With that in mind, how would you say I feel about this yarn?

I don't want to toot my own horn about this photo or anything, but here's a hint: I'm not getting married any time soon.

I need more yarn

...like I need a hole in the head. But these Socks That Rock yarns will not leave me alone. Everywhere I turn, someone is using this yarn to make something delightful.

Cara used it for her mini Monkey socks in Watermelon Tourmaline. Very cute little socks, and I've had my eye on that Watermelon color for a while.

Tiennie used it for her Chevron scarf in Monsoon and Footzey Foo. This is, hands down, one of the most beautiful color combinations I've ever seen. Ever.

A-ha!! In a move that I can only make sense of by thinking the yarn gods are looking after me, Monsoon is only available to the Rockin' Sock Club members. As I am not a member, I shall not be purchasing any yarn today. So there.

I'll bet those grapes were really sour anyway.

Don't cry for me, Yarngentina

You wanted to see more of that yarn, right? Well, here's the last good photo I was able to take of some of it:

After that, I was so woozy from the sheer volume of yarn, and also I think from the smell coming off of the ball winder (maybe oil? maybe oil and fiber?) that good photos became impossible to produce.

Exhibit A - dark, blurry, crooked (and not in a good way)


Exhibit B - terribly lit and composed. Also blurry.

By the way, see how the phone is off the cradle in this one? That's because I'm calling everyone I know to try to describe the gobs and gobs of yarn.


Exhibit C - Buh.


How hard can it be? Seriously. There's no reason for that piss-poor quality.

I'm taking it as a sign that my nerves are obviously shot, and that this much yarn can't be good for anyone. Or maybe the yarn is so glorious that it can't be photographed. In any event, we've still got a bag the size of a first-grader left to wind, and I will try to take more blog-responsible photos. Promise.

Yarngentina!

Balls are so last week.

Top yarn cake: Weren't you a ball yesterday?

Bottom yarn cake: Ugh. Why are you even asking? You know I was.

Top: I'm asking because I'm confused.

Bottom: Oh, brother.

Top: I am!

Bottom: Always with the questions and the confusions with you over there.

Top: I just don't understand why she would go through the painstaking trouble to hand-wind us from hanks into balls, only to then -- months later -- wind us into cakes. It's just very suspicious.

Bottom: Look, dude. All is know is yesterday I was a ball. I was a ball, you were a ball, and so was Yellow-Green-Pinky next door over there. Yesterday we were all balls. Today we're cakes. That's it. It is what it is. Leave it.

Top: It is what it is?

Bottom: Why are you always making trouble? Go with the flow, dude.

Top: Go with the flow? What flow? I'm just supposed to keep changing forms at her will? With no explanation? Whenever she pleases? One minute I'm a hank, the next I'm a ball, now I'm a cake. Who knows what will come next? A scarf? A mitten?

Bottom: Please.

Top: That's all you're gonna say about this? "Please"? Aren't you outraged? Don't you feel like you're just being used to satisfy her whims? Don't you have any integrity or sense of moral outrage?!

Bottom: For the love of Pete. We're easier to stack as cakes, and she's re-organizing her stash. That's all there is to it.

Top: Oh. Well. That's cool.

Bottom: Yeah.

Top: Next time I'd like to be in the loop.

Bottom: Noted.

Top: I'm still full of moral outrage.

Bottom: Yes, yes. Of course. How could you not be.

Who hears angels singing?

When I tell you that this is maybe one-tenth of the yarn from Argentina, I might be exaggerating. It might be one-fifteenth.

Dude. Seriously. This shit is bananas.

A tale of tall yarn. Poorly illustrated.

My PIC called me one night with a very serious question.

PIC: What kind of yarn do you think you'd want?
ME: What?
PIC: My sister is in Argentina, and she said she found a yarn district! Like three full city blocks, just of yarn, and all of it is about one or two dollars a ball. But she has no idea what to get. What should we get?

My PIC's sister is not a knitter, but she knows how much her sister loves the yarn. Sweet, right?

So together my PIC and I strategized about how to explain to a non-knitter how much yarn is required to make a particular item. We were not very good at this. At all. Particularly because the measurements that were needed were in grams, and we don't know a damn thing about grams. We're lame. We also can barely do this ourselves when we're looking at the yarn in the yarn store. Really.

So we did the best we could to explain chunky vs. worsted weight and grams vs. yards in an e-mail to my PIC's sister, and we sucked at it. Hard. But we thought it was really kind, and figured we'd get a few balls of yarn for cheap, and that would be awesome.

Meanwhile, my PIC's sister did what any (crazy) person would do in this situation, you know - a situation where the information is kind of vague but the heart is in the right place: She bought a metric f*ckton of yarn.

I was made aware of this a few nights later via a dark, blurry photo sent to my phone. It was of my PIC lying on a bed that appeared to be covered in what looked to be yarn. My PIC told me it was a lot of yarn. I thought that was very generous of her sister, and I sent my warm thanks.

But you know what? The warmth of my thanks was not commensurate with the amount of yarn we are talking about here.

When I went over to my PIC's to see the yarn, I didn't take my camera. I didn't think it was necessary. Error.

My PIC's sister had managed to cram two tall -- I mean tall -- and full -- so, so full -- bags of yarn into her already stuffed luggage. How she did this, I'll never know.

Because I could not wait any longer to show you just how much yarn we're dealing with here, I created this super-ridiculous drawing for you. These bags really are up to our waists. And they are full of yarn. Hanks and hanks and hanks of beautiful yarn!

(Note: The person in this drawing has no head and grey shoes to keep my PIC's identity private. While she does have a head, she would never wear grey shoes. Also, if I'd drawn her head, it would've looked just like her - because I am that good - and we can't be having that.)

Once Joann's ships our ball winder and swift -- very necessary in this situation-- I cannot vouch for our productivity in the rest of our lives. It's gonna be all ball winding all the time. Our houses will be overflowing with yarn cakes. And then you'll see. You will all see.

Hilarity will surely ensue.

Argentina!

When good intentions happen to good people

These little angora booties are from the very tasty Last Minute Knitted Gifts, a book full of absolutely beautiful items in it for the knitting. So soft and cute and soothing and wee.

How are your teeth? Hurting? Yeah. I thought they might be. Here, let me help you out with that. You don't want to go through your whole day with painful teeth.

Aaaaaaargh! My eyes! Your eyes! Ooof! It's a trade-off, the teeth for the eyes. Not sure which is worse. But, man that is unpleasant to look at.

Allow me to explain/defend/ask for your support and pity.

First of all, the yarn is not that bright in real life. Really. I'd tell you if it was. It's a perfectly reasonable shade of... that color.

Second, my local yarn store does not carry angora. They may physically push you over if you've got a good yarn combination in your hands, but they draw the line at selling you yarn made of bunny. Aren't gonna do it. They will sell you this incredibly soft and fuzzy synthetic yarn as a substitute. Perfectly ok by me. I've got no stake in knitting with angora. Fine.

Nice lady working at the yarn store: You will have to double this up, but that won't be a problem. Just use both ends of the ball of yarn at the same time, hold the two strands together, and knit them like they were one strand of yarn. Oh, also! While you're knitting, be sure to keep the ball of yarn in a very small Ziploc bag. Very small. Like snack-size. Otherwise you're gonna have a huge, tangled mess on your hands. You don't want that, and I don't want that. You'll hate me.

Me: Ok.

Gratitude for still standing upright at the end of this exchange? Enormous! Giant, flapping red flags being waved right in front of my face? Ignored!

Me (at home, later that afternoon): La la la. Let me get a little Ziploc bag. I'm gonna make some booties! (I look in the cupboard. Gallon-sized only. Too big.) Huh! Well. I'm not going to leave the house in this situation, because that would be excessive. What can I use instead? What oh what? Hey! My PIC gave me these cute zip-top nylon bags. One of them is quite small. That should do just fine!

It was a tight squeeze, but the lady did say "very small". There was a little concern at this point that the yarn might get caught in the zipper while I was knitting, but the concern was overshadowed by how cute those booties were gonna be. Cute!

So, you know what? The yarn getting caught in that zipper was so the least of my problems. I wish that had been my biggest problem.

For this pattern, it's pretty imperative that you be able to see your stitches on the needle as you're knitting. You know, like this is a stitch. Let me put my needle in there. Not, is that a stitch or is that just fuzz? Or, is that both strands of yarn or just one? Or is it just fuzz?!

I won't curse at this time. I'll allow you to imagine the most colorful string of expletives you can, and then insert them here. Because right here is where those go. I can tell you that very clearly. I am quite sure this space right here is not fuzz, so you can put your curse words here with confidence.

{sigh}

So, this is pretty much a disaster for the reasons I've alluded to. I now have the wrong number of stitches on my needle, and there's this crazy thing you have to do in the pattern where you can't just cheat. I would rip the whole thing out and start over -- maybe not doubling the yarn -- but the store lady made the tangling-up seem like such a nightmare, I'm afraid to try to pull it out. Waaah. Life is hard.

Hey! This seems like the perfect time for some fresh-squeezed, life-lemons lemonade! Anyone need a tiny, tiny square of fuschia-ish fuzz? It's quite soft.