Me: There's something in the backyard, and I'm not sure what it is.
Sidekick: What do you mean something in the backyard?
Me: I woke up this morning and saw a yellow thing just sitting in the yard.
Sidekick: What kind of yellow thing?
Me: I don't know. I can't tell. I'm a little nervous to go look.
Sidekick: How big is it?
Me: Like the size of a rubber duckie. But it's not a rubber duckie. I can tell that.
Sidekick: Whaaat?! Where is it?
Me: Over by the shed. Maybe I'll just walk over to it while you're on the phone with me.
As an aside, I don't know what it could've been that required someone be on the phone with me, but whatever. Better safe than sorry.
Sidekick: Well, be careful. I don't know what it could be.
Me (as I'm slowly walking across my backyard): I don't know, man. It's weird-looking. I can tell you that. Oh.
Sidekick: What.
Me: Could it be a lemon?
Sidekick: Where is it again?
Me (sheepishly): Under the lemon tree.
Sidekick: Uh huh.
Me: No, it's really big and weird-shaped.
Sidekick: Uh huh.
Me (right up on it): Uhm.
Sidekick: What.
Me: It's a lemon.
Look, seriously. If you'd seen this thing on your lawn, you woulda been nervous, too.
Right?!
It seems like there is a non-zero chance that these lemons could become some mutant species and take over the world. I had every reason to be nervous. Seriously. Look at that thing.
12 comments:
That is one scary lemon.
That really does not look like a lemon. It's a good thing it was under the lemon tree so you could have a clue. Would you like for me to send you some normal looking lemons from Texas?
Kirsten - Thank you for backing me up on that.
And Orpha - I am glad to report that all the other lemons still on the tree look like perfectly reasonable lemons. Perhaps they banished this one for being so strange. That would be sad. Let's hope that wasn't the case.
That is one heckuva strange looking lemon. I can see why you thought it was something strange. It WAS something strange....
Ditto Carol. Actually, for a moment I actually thought that maybe I had written it, because my name is Carol and it was exactly what I was thinking...but no, it's another Carol. We do think alike, however.
It looks....I don't know....kinda dirty?
????????????????????????,
haven't seen those in France :-)
The raddest thing about this is that in the first pic, it kind of looks like the lemon is floating above the table. Like it's a magic floating deformed lemon. You should eat it and maybe you'll be magic. vt
Very odd lemon...
It's definitely different ... very tumour-looking, unfortunately.
I like the way you write, you should post more often! :)
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