The Garland! The Garland!

I am so good at starting things. Really good. I can start a project with the best of 'em. The finishing is a different story. For example, I have a really beautiful Kushu Kushu scarf that I finished in 2008 that has but one more tiny step (blocking) to make it wearable. I don't know what my problem is.

Given this personal flaw, I was so proud of myself for finishing the garland so quickly. I mean, I really turned that thing around fast. I made four long strands of adorable garland in a few short days! But then the blogging of it? That tiny last step? Lagging!

Editor's note: There's a good joke to be made with "lagging blogging", but none of them are really doing it for me right this moment. There's the Ikea-product joke. Too obvious. There's the Lagging, Blogging, and Hauser, how can we help you? law firm joke. Meh. There's the some-guy's-name joke. Buh. Sorry about that. Feel free to leave your best Lagging Blogging joke in the comments, if you'd like.

Anyhoodles, I'm just gonna post a few little photos. Dipping my toe back in. Breaking the ice. Taking the first of the last steps.

Oh, it's SO cute in person! I'd promise more details and/or humor, but I am not to be trusted. Clearly.

But look at that garland!! Aaargh!

(Thanks for sticking with me. And thanks to all of you who continue to nudge me... Much love to you.)

Dust off the needles, people.

It's been a good long while since the craft I was cursing was knitting. Right? It's been all sewing and quilting and other nonsense for quite a bit.

BUT!

I think I have to make this scarf. It's purty! I wanna make it! Don't you wanna make it? Say yes! Hooray!

The sun is shining. It's hot as hell outside. And I am ready to knit a scarf.

Let's do this thing!

Oh! P.S. I just drove past that knitting store, and it is officially closed for business. I would love to know what happened and/or what the last straw was. Maybe they fell asleep and the snobbery they'd been smoking sparked some yarn, which then led to the whole place self-combusting. I bet that's it. Yeah. I'm going with that. Self-snobbed combustion it was!

After

Longest. Cliffhanger. Ever!

Did the orange marker wash out? Did the quilt hold up after a wash 'n' tumble?

Boy, oh, boy. Sorry to have made you wait so long for the answers.

So. Got your drums a-rolling?

Let's get on with it, then.

Here you go:



I have found a new love, everyone. It is Mr. Washable Marker!

Every last bit of orange ink came out! This, even after having been on the quilt for two weeks or so. Not a trace of it was left after the machine-wash in cold water. (I don't know how much to credit the two color catchers I threw in with the quilt, but that's neither here nor there.)

The quilt looks great.

It was delivered to the mama four days before the baby's arrival, so I'm hoping it's already being put to good use.

Specs:
Fabric: Katie Jump Rope by Denyse Schmidt for Free Spirit.
Pattern: Rail Fence blocks with my own border added.
Batting: Couldn't tell you. Some batting I found in my closet. It's thin-ish.
Assembly: Machine-pieced, birthed, then hand-quilted with Coats & Clark poly/cotton hand-quilting thread in color 256 (natural).

Hooray!

Next time I'll give you the List of Excuses, Reasons, and Nonsense that attempt to explain my long absence. (Nothing major, I promise.)

Big hug to you all!!

Of borders and backings

Quilt top (on over-sized batting) you've seen before.

ME (on the phone with my Partner-In-Crime): I finished the quilt top for that baby quilt.
PIC: That's so exciting!
ME: Now I just have to figure out how to finish the whole thing.
PIC: That is not at all exciting.
ME: I know, right?
PIC: Right.
ME: Oh, shit. I think I have to make borders for it.
PIC: Why?
ME: Otherwise the blocks will just run right into the edge, and it'll look fucked up. And I think you're supposed to do it for stability maybe, too. I don't know.
PIC: What does the pattern say?
ME: There is no pattern, really. I just got the Rail Fence block pattern from this site that has a million quilt block patterns on it.
PIC: Hmm.
ME: And I wasn't really thinking about the borders part.
PIC: I don't know what to tell you.
ME: At first I was thinking I could just do the birthing thing and be done with it, like I did with that last baby quilt.

Finished baby quilt you've never seen before.

PIC: That looked really good. Do that.
ME: That was different, though. That was just two pieces of fabric stuck together, and this is a bunch of pieced blocks. I don't think it'll look right if I just sew the back to it.
PIC: But it would be quicker.
ME: Yes. It would. But--
PIC: You know what I'd do.
ME: Grrrr.

As you might imagine, I tried approximately twenty-nine solutions to this "finishing" dilemma, starting with trying to find the right fabric for the back of the quilt. I bought an orange-colored fabric and immediately hated it (too slippery), ordered an espresso-colored fabric (not slippery, but way too dark for a baby quilt), bought yet another fabric -- flannel this time ("too thin for quilts," said the Internet Genius Pool. Note: While I am very grateful for the IGP, I wish they'd been with me at the store. Woulda been nice, IGP, is all I'm saying).

I almost gave up at this point. Really. Almost.

But I kept at it.

I took lots of deep breaths and tried a different approach. Instead of focusing on the back of the quilt, which I just couldn't figure out, I tried to figure out the borders for the front.

OK. Now, this would be cute! The ruler is really cute for a kid -- kids like numbers, right? -- and the orange of the "64" will bring out the orange in the quilt! Yay!

Oh. Wait. That actually looks like shit.

ME (on the phone again. staring at the quilt): Dude. I cannot figure this out.
PIC: You'll figure it out. And it'll look great.
ME: Why are you mocking me? I am so going to ruin this whole thing.
PIC: You are not. Don't be ridiculous.
ME: You don't know. I could totally ruin all this work.
PIC: Good lord, lady.
ME: Grrrr.

My PIC is right about quite a few things in life. She is very clear that: (1) when stressed out, always consider directing the anger outward not inward ("Why suffer more?"), (2) when feeling twitchy, strongly consider using pharmaceuticals ("Why suffer more?"), and (3) when thinking you're going to ruin something, remember that you're not actually going to ruin anything ("It's crafting.").

I did, eventually, figure it out.

From each of the fabrics, I cut long strips that, when finished, would each be half the width of the strips in the main body of the quilt (finished strip widths were 2" in the blocks and 1" in the border).

And then -- riding the high of what appeared to be a border-making success -- I took that slippery orange fabric that I'd originally hated and birthed that quilt like no quilt had ever been birthed before.

And what do you know? I haven't ruined it yet.

(Please note: I still have to machine-quilt it. Still plenty of time for ruining. Er, I mean, directing my rage outward and taking some tranquilizers.)

Bedwarmers

So, my back went out on Day 2 of the family visit this year. And not just let-me-take-some-Advil-and-we'll-be-good out. But boo-hoo-you're-gonna-have-to-put-my-socks-on-for-me out. And also things-were-kinda-improving-until-I-sneezed why-did-I-get-so-cocky out.

Ok. Fine. It is what it is. Lucky for me, I have a loving family who is not only understanding but is also insistent on comfort at all times. This is truly a blessing. (Hydrocodone is also a blessing. It won't rub your back and tell you it loves you, but it will quite willingly take the edge off.)

I was of many minds about the whole thing. I took it as a sign that I needed to slow down and as a reminder of the importance of flexibility (both literal and figurative). I was reminded that stress will sneak up on you whether you like it or not. And I also remembered that it's hard to stay fully engaged when you're in pain/on painkillers, even if you're really wanting to be engaged.

We were all handed an exercise in balance because of it, and I think we fared just fine.

One of the hilarious parts of the ordeal was that, in the midst of this fuzzy-brained, stabby-backed situation, I decided it would be a good idea to go buy a sewing machine.

What? Why not? I'll tell you why not. Because fully medicated, I was easily persuaded by the aforementioned loving and understanding people to accept a gift of one of the fanciest sewing machines in the world.

That whole excursion is worthy of its own post, and its own post it shall get.

What I really wanted you to see were the rest of the bedwarmers. (The Rest of the Bedwarmers is also a lovely modern dance I've choreographed and will be performing once my back is all better -- the dance has lots of bendy parts.)

This one was for my SIL and brother. I made it well before Christmas, using the old machine.

My SIL and brother loved it so much, we agreed they needed a second one.

So, my SIL and I went through all of my fabrics and made this one together. We used the new sewing machine/super-computer/waffle-maker. (As I mentioned, I'm convinced my new machine is so fancy, it must also make waffles.)

Those bears kill me. Particularly because they're in the woods.


I'd like to give myself credit for the improvement in the sewing of the piping, but I'm afraid I have to credit the waffle-maker. In fact, I have a sneaking feeling I'm well on my way to complete obsolescence because of the machine. That's OK. I'm pretty sure it isn't very funny. And, as far as I can tell, its fabric selection skills are weak. Weak!

Pattern: Bedwarmer. By Ashley Shannon.
Fabrics: Some deliciousness from Superbuzzy that was on sale back in August.
Piping: Wrights Maxi Piping (Mocha 765 and Olive 590) bought at my local fabric store.
Sewing machine: Waffle Maker 3000.

Post-frenzy reveals

Remember when I sewed piping?

This is what it was for:

Please disregard the unfinished edges. They were totally finished when I gave this gift.

A bedwarmer for my mom - pattern brilliantly designed by Ashley. (Free pattern is here.) It's such a great invention. You heat up the little rice pillow inside, put the pillow in the cover, and put the whole toasty mess at your feet (or on your neck or head or wherever, really). Toasty and cute!

Here is the little rice pillow:

And another close-up of (my first attempt at) piping:

Not bad!

I went on to make two more bedwarmers that I will show you later. Just so you know, the fabric may very well be too much for you to handle. Consider yourself warned.

Other warnings/A peek at some information I plan on sharing with you:

• My back goes out more than I do.
• I was gifted a sewing machine that might also make waffles.
• If I hear one more conversation on my phone line that isn't the one I am having, I may give up on telephone technology altogether and rely solely on the Pony Express.

Happy New Year, everyone!

My new friend - Polar Fleece

Like all you crafters out there, I have lofty dreams of giving handmade gifts to my loved ones for Christmas. And like many of you, I ended up needing to make one particular thing quickly and last-minute-ish for an 11 year-old niece. So, rather than knitting a hat, I sewed one out of my new friend, Polar Fleece.

The joke was kind of on me, though, in that it took me longer to cut and sew this (and the scarf I then decided I needed to make) than it would've taken to knit something. Aw, who cares? I made a new friend!

Pattern: Martha Stewart fleece hat. Pattern can be found here.

Fabric: Two colors of polar fleece. I bought 1/2 yard of each color, and that was enough for this child's size hat, the scarf below, and probably a whole other hat.

Crazy important thread tip: Use heavy-duty thread on the top only, and regular thread in the bobbin. Martha won't tell you to do that. But the very nice and helpful lady at the fabric store will. "If you use the heavy-duty on both," she said, "you're going to have a big mess." I used Gutermann 100% Polyester thread in color 257 - dark blue, and was grateful every step of the non-mess way for that nice lady.

Sewing needle: Size 18 for heavy-duty fabrics. The bulk of the fleece -- despite it being quite light and fluffy -- requires some heavy-duty tools apparently.

Mods:

(1) I embroidered a snowflake on it. I used 3 strands of DMC embroidery floss in light blue and free-handed it. It's just some backstitching and french knots.

(2) Instead of seaming the hat so that the front is 2 panels of color next to each other, I sewed it so that the light blue panels wrap around the sides, like this:

Then I figured that a hat alone might be a lame present, and I had lots of leftover fleece. So I made a matching scarf. (It looks quite grey in the photo, but it's the same fabric. It matches in real life.)

For what it's worth, here's the info on sewing the scarf:

Two-toned scarf "pattern": my own.

Specs: Finished scarf measures approx. 42 inches x 5 inches.

If I were really adept at this sewing thing, I could've done this very quickly, cutting two long strips (each one measuring 42.5" x 5.5") then sewing them together. I am not, however, adept at this sewing thing, so I pieced the strips. Whatever.

All you should know is: embroider the snowflake first, then sew the scarf -- right sides together-- leaving about a 3-inch opening on one side to turn it right-side out again. Again, I used heavy-duty thread in the top only, and regular thread in the bobbin. No problems there!

After turning the scarf right-side out, I blind-stitched the opening closed. I knew the next step would be to top-stitch around the scarf about 1/4" away from the edge, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so sleepy.

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty successful experiment. Not as speedy as it could've been (or as it would be for you, probably), but good nonetheless.

Now. Let the gift-wrapping commence!

So we meet again

Last night I was watching an episode of my beloved Martha Stewart Crafts show, and I saw a polar fleece hat that I thought would be perfect as a last-minute gift. Only downside? No polar fleece in the house.

Cut to: Me at my local fabric store this morning. I was wandering around the notions section, no doubt muttering to myself, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted the owner of the LYS I broke up with recently. She was rifling through some remnants and holding them up to a piece of knitting she had with her. I thought carefully but quickly about how to proceed, given our past, and did what any ethical and righteous person would do in that situation: I turned down an aisle so she couldn't see me.

As I was choosing my thread, I thought about how I would come home to my Sidekick and be all, "I just saw the owner of my ex-LYS at the fabric store. Weird, right?"

Yeah. Well. No such luck.

After I'd gathered all the supplies I was going to need for this project, I went to get in line. And there she was again. Right in front of me. Paying for whatever nonsense she was buying.

Play it cool. Maybe she won't see you. Or maybe if she does see you, she won't recognize you.

Again. Not today's luck.

OWNER (catching my eye): Oh, hey!
ME: Hi!
OWNER: What are you making?

You should say socks. Just say socks. It would be hilarious. Do it.

ME: A hat.
OWNER: Oh!
ME: Just a quick gift for a little girl.
OWNER: It's that time of year.

I then, for some unknown reason, just started going on about how quick this project looks and how good ole Martha Stewart will get you out of a scrape every time. I don't know why. I'm from Texas. They teach you to be polite.

OWNER: Are you watching her new crafting show?
ME: Yeah, that's actually where I got the pattern for this hat.
OWNER: Really!
ME: Yep.

Ask her about the "For Rent" sign you saw in her store window recently. It'll make her real uncomfortable. And then she'll have to explain how being rude and condescending drove her out of business.

OWNER: Well if I don't see you beforehand, have a wonderful holiday.

She said this with a big smile. And she seemed kind of sincere and human.

ME: You too.

'Tis the season. Peace on earth and all that.

(And also, I only saw the sign once and then didn't see it again. So. It's not so much that I'm spreading peace and joy, really. In all fairness. It's more that I didn't want to start trouble. And that's ok. 'Tis the season to not start trouble. Fa la la la la, la la, la. La!)

Items! Part One.

I made a scarf while I was on vacation.

There. I said it.

Look. It was a whole thing. My SIL had something to do with it. The Brooklyn General Store and Purl also had things to do with it. But you know what? Let's not get caught up in assigning blame. It's not ladylike and just gets us nowhere. Instead, let's gaze upon the wonder that is the scarf.

Doesn't that stitch look good?

It is purty.

Pattern: My So Called Scarf. (That link is to the free pattern.)
Yarn: Manos del Uruguay. Handcrafted Kettle Dyed Pure Wool. Color 118.
Needles: Lantern Moon. US size 15.
Mods: I used honkin' big needles. The pattern calls for 11s, I think. But the 15s were all I had with me, and I wanted to make the scarf while I was still with my SIL to make sure she'd really like it. Blah, blah, blah. She and I both agree we like how it looks. And I like that it knit up real fast.

There are worse things than buying two skeins of new yarn and knitting a brand new scarf. Really. So much worse. Maybe I'll convince my brother to let me tell you the Crap or Vomit story. It's a good one. And it will take some of the heat off of me and and my item-y ways.

Fingers crossed.

I am glad to be back!

Longer, wider, faster

Last time you checked around a week ago, I'd started a second Chevron Scarf. Here's what I had then:

Considering my first one took 6 months, I'm impressed at how quickly (relatively speaking) this one is going. This is what I have now:

Long, right?

The colors are much more beautiful than these photos show. You'll see.

This one also seems a little wider than my first, but that's not important. So let's just move on.

Hey! Thank you so much for your input on what to make with the Chinese yarn! Your ideas were all so good and helpful! What would I do without you?! Really.

I like the idea of making something for my sweet friend, as many of you suggested. If I went with socks, I'd definitely have to double the yarn or add some other kind of thread to it, because it seems like they'd wear through in about three seconds otherwise.

But. If I were to go in a shawl/wrap direction (not for my sweet friend), I love the Hanami shawl that Kristy suggested. There's also a little wrap in Weekend Knitting. (Can I sub this Chinese yarn for mohair, do you think, or no?) I'm a little worried that I may have to give in and get that Folk Shawls book you're all going on about. Damn it! Don't you know I'm drowning in books over here? Sheesh.

Thank goodness Seth kindly reminded me that books are free at my local li-berry. (He also had the brilliant idea of incorporating Chinese knitting designs into the project. He is all good ideas, that Seth.)

Note to self: When at said library, look for Knitting For Peace. It has the pattern for the Swirl Hat that Kim went and made in her obvious attempt to destroy me, rather, to help me with ideas for my holiday knitting.

Oh, what do you know, my new issue of Interweave Knits just arrived. Gotta go!

Here's that green beanie.

By popular request, a drawing of the beanie:Pretty amazing. So life-like. So real this drawing, no? With about 3 minutes you too could draw such a beanie. I know it's hard to believe. But it's true.

With a few hours, you could knit the beanie.


The color is darker and more olive than that photo suggests. It's more like the leftover yarn below:

Pattern: Basic Hat -- free pattern from Stitch Cafe.

Yarn: Suss Love (100% Tactel Nylon) in Olive color. Each hank is about 126 yards, and I used a little more than one hank. This yarn is crazy, crazy soft. From Suss.

Mods: I cast on 68 instead of 66, and did a 2x2 rib instead of a 3x3. Oh! And I held two strands together which made the hat heftier.

The top is one of those where you draw the yarn through the stitches and pull it tight -- like a drawstring -- to close it up.

That method usually leaves a hole in the top for me. But somehow it worked out fine here. However, the method apparently also turned the hat from olive green to charcoal grey (or so the photo would have you believe). So be careful with that.

I am hoping the softness will bring comfort and warmth to the young guy who's receiving it. The son of a dear colleague and friend, this guy is just starting on a long road of chemo. As you all know, a hat isn't much, but it can make a difference.

The other thing this hat can do? Jump-start Operation Finish Those Items (OFTI). Right? Why not? Because I never finish anything, you say? Did you see the hat I just finished? Doesn't that tell you something?! Harumph.

Of course you're right. I shouldn't get ahead of myself here. I thank you for your continued candor and support.

Peace!

I made a green beanie.

It's really grey here today, so no photo. Just know I made a beanie yesterday from this free pattern from this lovely shop. The hat is very, very soft. The yarn was from Suss. And I'll tell you all about it when the sun comes out.

I'd make you a drawing, but you wouldn't want that. Really. Have you seen my "drawings"? Yeah. Ok, then. A photo later on it is!

Approved!

The designer and creator of these awesome slippers gave the go-ahead in yesterday's comments to post photos of said slippers. So here they are!

I did not make these. But I want to make them. Real bad.

So cute!! Want the pattern? Click here.

Want to go to Superbuzzy, who has shipped my bird fabric and made me all atwitter with anticipation, and who alerted me to these slippers in the first place? Click here.

Now. Here's the next question.

Do you want some awesome/geeky/clever/great badges that would look really cute on some slippers if they really existed as badges? I know the answer is yes.


The Order of the Science Scouts of Exemplary Repute and Above Average Physique has constructed many, many super kick-ass nerdy badges, including an arts and crafts badge. The duck pictured above is the "destroyer of quackery" badge:

"In which the recipient never ever backs down from an argument that pits sound science over quackery."

Click here and look at all the glorious badges. If you're a hard-core nerd/geek/cool/hip kid, you won't be disappointed. (via BoingBoing)

Hey! After you look around, come back and tell me:
(1) which badge(s) you think you deserve, and
(2) which badge(s) you would get in that other life you didn't get to have because you were so busy having this one.

Badges and patches are cool!

Crochet redeems itself. For a moment.

I don't know that my overall position has changed on crochet (read about my overall position here), but these *cursing* *cursing* slippers really go a long way toward elevating the form.

Click here to see. They are called Babushka ballerinatofler. [I would've put the photo here, but they said right there I couldn't, so I didn't. Just go look and come back.]

Did you see those little iron-on patches?!

And the soothing shape of the slippers themselves?!

Yeah. So, I'm looking at these things, I'm punching stuff because they're so cute, and I realize I may have to re-give in to the crochet.

I'm guessing the designer is trying to win a toaster for recruiting crochet skeptics (or she's just a kind person), because she graciously shares her pattern here. In two languages!

Never let it be said I'm not flexible or willing to reconsider the merits of something. You can fairly say I'll be grouchy about it, but you can't say I won't do it. Because I will. This post, if nothing else, should demonstrate that.

(These slippers are via Superbuzzy, who - for some reason - thinks I live in an area not served by the US Postal Service, and so will not let me order that godforsaken bird fabric already. Yeah. Just a little grouchy.)

Crochet!

Edited to add: Problem was not with Superbuzzy, but with the USPS. The lovely people at Superbuzzy responded promptly to my concern, and my order is officially placed! Woo-hoo! Bye-bye, grouchies. Hello, bird fabric!

Next up

I wanna make these Dashing mitts from the new issue of Knitty. They're the longer, better, no-frills version of Fetching:


Oh! When I went to get yarn for the new mitts, Yeardley Smith was at the knitting store. You'd never know by looking at her that she could buy and sell all of us in the blink of an eye. She seemed perfectly nice. I was so busy being calm and unflapped at seeing her that I forgot to buy the needles I needed for said mitts. So calm, me.

Also, sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I'm not quite sure what happened there. I was probably loving too much, or foolishly thinking he was into me, or messing up the rules. Oh, wait. No. That's not right. Those are the things self-help books want me to think I'm doing. Instead, I think I was actually out in the world, working.

So sorry to have neglected you.

Hey! Fetching mitts! Shiny!

Everyone but every last everyone has made these Fetching mitts from Knitty:


And yesterday, it became very clear that I too must make these mitts (MustMakeMitts!). While I should've been taking care of applique business, I was figuring out what to knit. Who's with me?

Everyone says these mitts are really fast. And I like fast, especially when coupled with yarn. And especially especially when every other work-in-progress around me is of epic quest proportions.

So in wandering through my yarn stash, I saw that I have the exact yarn that's called for in the Fetching mitts pattern, only in powder pink.


Ahhhh. Lovely, soft powder pink. Isn't it pretty? Now, can you imagine mitts in this color? What would begin as delightful, angelic hand-coverings would assuredly become crappy, dirty mitts in about half a second. Awesome!

Well, I guess if you're willing to walk around with your hands in the post-scrub, pre-op surgeon position all day, you could do it. And, if your lifestyle allows for that, then you should! "Excuse me. Would you mind opening that door for me? I've got these powder pink mitts, and I really can't." "Would you be a dear and carry this purse for me? It's just too dirty for my mitts." "I'm gonna need you to pour that latte directly into my mouth. Yeah. Mitts!"

Not having that lifestyle, I realized I'd need to go a different direction. My lifestyle is less of a soft powder pink, and more of a this:


It's more of an elephant-foot, multi-colored, who-can-tell-what-you've-been-up-to lifestyle.


So, I'm making these mitts, thinking the heating pad cover is great as is, and fantasizing about my next heating pad cover.

Dude, heating pad covers are so the new scarves.

Knitscene uses wily tactics

I've made a commitment recently, and it is this: no magazines. It's very simple. Magazines instantly become pillars of shame all around my home. And I don't like shame. Shame steenks.

I don't need piles of glossy papers taunting me for not reading them, not clipping them, not living by their guidelines. I've made the mistake before (in the not-too-distant past). And you know what? When I've got magazines in my house, people come over and ask what smells. And I have to say, "Oh that? Huh! I don't know! It can't be the smell of the shame emanating from those neglected magazines, can it? Because that would just be ridiculous." And then I covertly kick a magazine or two under a couch.

So, I've made a commitment to not renew, order, or let magazines into my home. No magazines past the velvet ropes, thank you very much.

But Knitscene somehow got past my guys at the door.

I'm sure when it sidled up, my guys looked right past it. And I imagine it was quite cocky at this point. "Come on. You're not gonna let me in? I'm a Special Issue. And, I've got a Latina on my cover."


And my guys were like, "Sorry. The doctor has given us strict orders not to allow any magazines in."

Then it probably changed tactics (because it's crafty) and was all, "You know what? You look like you could use a nice bag. Check out my page 20."


"And your ears must get cold out here sometimes." And then it pointed to the hat on that same dirty page 20.


I'm sure my guys then said, "Those are very nice, but you're going to need to step back. You're not getting in."

At this point, I imagine it kinda started losing its shit a little bit, flipping the page, "Doesn't the doctor need a cute cabled hoodie for just kicking around? Look! Page 23! She'll love it!"


My guys are good. They're really good. They stayed strong. "Yes, the doctor would like a hoodie, but not when its pattern comes in the form of a full-color, 105-page magazine."

But then -- and this is just my best guess -- I'm betting the magazine really went inward, thought carefully, and unleashed:

"You like flowers, don't you?"


The killer! That did them in. I just know it. As I said, my guys are good, but no one - NO ONE - can resist these flowers. Or their free online pattern.

I'm not letting any other issues in. I swear it. So Interweave Press, creators of Knitscene, can just suck it. Suck it, IP!

(Hey also, when you come by, don't mention the smell. It's rude.)

Knit animals (and robots) hurt my teeth

If you also have sensitive teeth when it comes to adorable things, go get yourself some kind of tooth protector before you proceed here. (I don't know how Meg over at Cute Overload can stand it. Maybe she has dentures.)

I kinda want to make this:


For some reason, I thought it was crochet at first, and then I looked more closely at the free pattern, and saw it's just garter stitch. Knit, knit, knit. Simple!

And then there are all the Jess Hutch items, like this pink bunny, for example.
The also-free pattern is here. I'm so sad that her book of patterns is no longer available. She truly takes the cake when it comes to adorable creatures. When you're the mastermind behind adorable knitted robots, you are pretty much the most genius genuis of all times as far as I'm concerned.

Kate, the cat with britches from knitty - also tooth-achingly cute with her little striped sweater and solid pants:


Cute, right?

Bear, bunny, and kitty. Free knitting patterns. Awesome.

OK. So, what I'm gonna need you to do now is just relax. Just calm your mind. Take a deep breath. You might feel a little pain here. Just breathe.



Ouch. Ouch! OUCH! Look at that frackin' MONKEY! His name is Cedrich. And Winston and Radley? Equally cute! Those muther...AARGH! How did they make crochet so SO CUTE?! That pattern is gonna cost you a little money, but it's for all three of those. Where is someone so I can sock them in the arm with how cute these are?! DAMN IT!

Oh, in addition to my teeth hurting, I sometimes also feel the need to smash things when I see something cute. I don't actually smash things. I just feel the need. But, I have a frontal lobe that assists me in higher-order thinking, so I rethink the smashing and generally just lie down.

A final note: I don't recommend eating a chocolate croissant (a.k.a. a candy-bar sandwich) while viewing these items. It really kicked it over the top for me. Now I go night-night. (The fact that it's 10:45 in the morning may make it challenging, but I'll do it. I'll close my eyes and go to sleep and then you'll see. You'll all see.)