Search. Find. Maybe curse a little.

Given that the worldwide web is -- as its name suggests -- about as wide as the world, I'm always excited when someone new comes by the blog here. While my feelings are mixed about the technology involved, I really appreciate knowing how people find me. And it's nice to know we have things in common.

Some of you got here by way of the blanket project for Grandma Purl. Others came over from the Friends of the Purl Bee -- the blog for my beloved Purl. Very kind bloggers who have me on their blogroll have also sent folks my way, and for that I am incredibly grateful.

But then there are people who do a Google search and get me. For better or for worse, Google has suggested that I may be able to help them.

Sometimes it makes perfect sense. The person looking for "cute knitted animal patterns" was probably very happy to find this. "Blather + quilts" may very well have been looking for exactly me. That's pretty glorious! The person wanting to know about the "Chacopel white marking tool" may've been underwhelmed by this; but you win some, you lose some. No harm, no foul.

But then there are others. Oh, the others. I feel terrible for the others. When a person is in a real jam and turns to Google for help, my particular brand of sass (PBOS) is usually not so helpful. Here are some examples of people who came my way, and left -- most likely -- none-too-pleased.

Person's jam/Google search: "shiny red sore throat"
Dr. B. offers: Boo hoo hoo. My throat hurts.
Person's likely response: Fuck you. Who cares? My throat hurts!

Jam: "matthew perry hair plugs"
Dr. B.: Matthew Perry is rich.
Response: Duh. I'm asking, does he or does he not have hair plugs! And if so, how can I get some? Duh!

Jam: "wigs that are too shiny"
Dr. B.: I'm so clever, I can write about shiny rayon embroidery floss and add some glib remark about how it was displayed in a way that made it look like a wig.
Response: That! is no help at all. My WIG is SHINY!

Jam: "chest pains + teeth hurting"
Dr. B.: Blah, blah, blah look at these cute things!! They're so cute!!! Makes my teeth hurt 'cuz they're sooo cute!
Response: (Oh, sweet Lord, I hope there was a response.)

Then, there was one today.

Jam: "buy + 'that's how I roll' trucker hat"
Dr. B.: Wrong place, mister. Keep moving.
Response: I love Ashton Kutcher. I want a trucker hat. Where's the shopping cart?

Tomorrow I'll tell you all about how I would've flunked Home Ec if I'd taken it in high school. This may result in some kid being mad because s/he's gonna flunk out of Home Ec, and this "Dr. B." was no help.

I can't please them all. And to some, I offer a sincere apology for that. To others (talking to you, trucker hat), not so much.

Hey, thank you for coming by. Really. And may all your wigs be dull.